2 posts tagged “illness”
Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Psalms 16:8 “I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”
When you've done all that you know to do, and there is nothing else to do, stand. I've spent countless hours in prayer asking the Lord for forgiveness, confessing my sins, etc, because I have read and heard that sin can cause illness in our lives. I try to make a point of confessing often anyways, or immediately after I sin, but I like to spend extra time with the Lord and ask Him to reveal to me those things that He wants me to confess -- to create in me a clean heart.
I've gone through and made inventories of all that I've done or not done, then confessed after that. I am to the point now that all I can do is stand. The Lord gave me these two scriptures this morning, and I believe He has healed my body and continue to confess that belief. I also see a greater purpose for this trial I am in, and that is touching those who may not come to church and getting to witness to them about the Lord's goodness in spite of how I may be feeling at the moment.
Honestly, I'd felt like a failure as a Christian when I went to the doctor many months ago, and asked for help. I'd needed help for well over 2 years, but refused to get the help because I'd felt like if I did that I was a failure as a Christian or that I didn't have enough faith that the Lord would heal me, or that I wasn't praying hard enough, etc. All of that stuff. When I was living by myself it was easy to hide how I was feeling because if I felt crappy, I could just go away for a while until it passed, but when I got married, I could no longer hide it. I needed medication to help balance out my body. There -- I admitted it. I've been taking this anti-depressant now for over 8 months. I'm not 100% yet, but am also dealing with all this pain in my body -- which is something I've dealt with for over 4 years -- but has just gotten worse over the last year.
When I had to get the medication, the Lord reminded me of a time that a woman came to me in CR and told me she was struggling with depression, and how she knew that the Lord had healed her, but she still felt bad. In looking back on that I don't think I was as compassionate as I should have been. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going through all of this sickness for an even greater purpose. I know one good thing that has come from it is that I have grown to have an even greater compassion for those who are sick.
Over the last 4 years, I have had such GREAT victory over so many things -- alcohol, codependence, sex addiction, love addiction, financial recovery, etc., that I think it is possible that I started to get prideful and would wonder why when people were struggling why they wouldn't have immediate victory -- and would think that they need to pray more, or whatever. Being sick this long with no victory in this area has helped me to see that sometimes it doesn't happen immediately, and it doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong.
In 2006, the Lord told me in a dream that He was taking away His protection of me much like He did with Job. I found that journal recently, and in my dream I was screaming "NO." The Lord also told me in 2007 that it would get worse before it got better. I even got confirmation of this from my husband after the Lord told me. I didn't like that, but told the Lord that I trusted Him and His plan and purposes for my life.
Sometimes when you've done all that you know and can do, sometimes you just have to stand.
Psalms 62:1-2 “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Ps. 62:5-6 “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. Ps. 62:7-8 “My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. "Selah"
Last night I was spending time with my Lord, and He gave me Psalms 62:8 to read. So I backed up after reading that scripture and read the entirety of Psalms 62. So comforting. You see, this last year has been challenging in so many ways. Friendships gained, lost, ministry gone, family, illness, work, betrayal, hurt. The one I haven't spoken of much is the illness part. I still don't know what to put, but its something I've been dealing with since before I came back to the Lord in 2004, and am now back to facing it to find out what is wrong. I saw another specialist today, and the scriptures the Lord gave me last night gave me the courage to proceed forward to see this doctor. I liked him. He spent almost an hour with me, and listened to everything. He didn't make me feel like I was crazy. He didn't make me feel like I was making it up. He did tell me he didn't know yet, but now begins the process of more tests. Today, I am okay with it. I just want to get to the bottom of it once and for all.
Several months back, I confided in someone I thought I could trust, and their response to me was "buck up" and basically told me I didn't have enough faith and that was why I hadn't been healed yet. Whoa. Hey, thanks for that tid bit of advice, next time keep it to yourself. God's word says I need to have faith the size of a mustard seed -- I've got that. So why isn't my body healed yet? I don't know. I've searched. I've talked. I've prayed. I've read scriptures over myself, etc. Nothing changes. What I've realized, however, is that through this journey I've met people I probably wouldn't have gotten to meet before. I have gotten the opportunity to witness to so many people along this journey, and I praise God for that. I got the opportunity to pray with one of my doctors. How cool is that!? That wouldn't have happened if my health was good and all was well.
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I continue to praise and thank the Lord through this journey -- I continue to pray for healing. I pray for His strength, His purpose, His wisdom, His mercy. God just use me. He is so good to me, and I am so blessed in so many other ways that I hate to even complain about this one little issue. I mean, really.
Reading the book of Job has helped tremendously. I will post more on my thoughts on that later, but the funny thing is that Job's friends thought that they had this tremendous insight into why Job was going through what he was going through, and they didn't have a clue!
So why am I sharing this? Because I am requesting prayer for this journey that I am on -- healing first and foremost, but wisdom for me and the doctors -- wisdom to know what to do. That I would not get discouraged. Strength. Courage. Boldness to speak about Jesus wherever I go. Thanks muchas!
Oh yah, if you're going to tell me to have more faith, or to pray harder, or anything along those lines, please feel free to keep that to yourself. :-) If you want to be with me on this journey to just be there to encourage, please feel free, but if you think the Lord has given you special insight into why I'm sick (but He hasn't told me yet), again, please keep that to yourself. May the Lord bless you in 2009!
